I have been MIA the past few months because I've been reading, prepping and writing my expertise work relating to microaggressions. Since I've been so entrenched in the literature, I figured it would be a good topic to kick off my return!
So let's talk about microaggressions. Microaggressions are brief and subtle, comments, behaviors, or environmental indignities, intentional or not, that communicate derogatory slights and insults (Sue et al., 2006). Microaggressions can be comments that are rude, insensitive, demeaning of a person's identity, or comments/behaviors that exclude, negate, or dismiss the feelings, thoughts, or reality of a targeted group. If you're not sure what any of that means, let me give you a few examples.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop (pre-covid obviously), pouring over articles that I'm reading, taking notes, listening to music, minding my own business when an older White man waiting for his coffee smiles at me, waves me to take my headphones off, and proceeds to ask me where I'm from. This is how the conversation went:
Him: "Hi where are you from?"
Me: (because I'm currently in school in Ohio) "Oh, I'm from New Jersey"
Him: - looking confused- "no, I meant where are you from?"
Me: -also confused - "Oh, I'm from Central Jersey, by Princeton or Rutgers University?"
Him: "what are you doing all the way here in Ohio?"
Me: "Oh I'm in school at Akron"
Him: "what are you studying? Engineering? Business?"
Me: "Industrial Organizational Psychology, I'm getting my Ph.D"
Him: "Ahh, my daughter in law is Korean"
Me: "Oh okay."
So I smiled politely and returned to my work, unsettled by the conversation, but determined not to be unhinged. For a long time, I couldn't identify why I felt weird about the conversation other than simple annoyance because these conversations have happened to me multiple times before. But a few months later, after finding the term microaggression, I did a deep dive into the literature and finally, I was able to put a label to that conversation. What happened in that conversation, that lasted no more than 5 minutes, was a microaggression filled conversation by a White man.
"Where are you from; no, where are you really from?". Is a classic microinvalidation, a type of microaggression. Microinvalidations are comments or statements that have a hidden message behind them, regardless of intention. In this case, asking me where I'm from, he was asking me about my cultural heritage because I'm not 'really American' based on my appearances despite being born and raised in New Jersey.
"What are you studying? Engineering? Business?". Is a microinsult, another type of microaggression. Microinsults are comments, statements, or beliefs that are made based on an individual's identity. Specifically, by implying that I'm studying engineering or business is an assignment of intelligence levels specific to me because of my race. Because I'm Asian means I must be studying a STEM-related field.
But there are other behaviors that are classic microaggressions too, ones that we (non-White) people see, feel, and experience in our day to day lives. Heck, maybe we even do them to other people without even realizing it. Things like clutching your purse when a Black or Hispanic man walks past you on the train, things like telling Black people to stop being overdramatic, or telling Asians to speak up because they're so 'reserved'.
Looking back, understanding what I know now, I wish I had the words to express and have a conversation with the man about how why his words, though he may have meant them innocently, were words that undermine my being, that made me feel, that always make me feel, that always remind me and haunt me, that I am not an American, I do not look American, and I will never look American.
So what can we do? What can do you? First, for those of you who have experienced microaggressions and not realized what they were until now, I urge you to take some time to sit with those feelings, and understand them. Do some research (I'd be happy to chat with you about it and/or provide resources!!), talk to your friends about your experiences, take some time for yourself.
If you see a microaggression happening or in the moment of experiencing one, know that you can step in and say something to make a difference (depending on the situation and how safe you feel in doing so). It can help to say things like "now why would you say that?" Or "do you realize what that statement implies?". You can say things that express disagreement like "that's not how I see things" or differentiate between intent and impact with things like "I know you might not realize that your comment is demeaning, but not all _____s are _______." (For further reading on microinterventions, check out: Sue, Alsaidi, Awad, Glaeser, Calle, and Mendez, 2019).
Little things like the statements above might not change a person's biases or views on life, but after multiple times, maybe after multiple encounters, they'll start to re-evaluate their comments and biases. But more importantly, remember that if these things happen to you, surround yourself with people who validate your experiences, people who you can talk to about these situations.
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